Farewell Dad

As many of you know, my father passed away on March 15 in El Centro, CA.  Von and I visited in February, then planned to return again in March, as my dad was declining in health and needing assistance.  The first week of March my mother fractured a vertibrae in her back trying to lift dad out of a chair, so Von and I immediately left Utah to assist both of them.  I officially retired from my job at the Cleaning Authority, informed piano students to find another teacher, and Von and I were released as temple workers.  We arrived on March 9, along with my brother from Apple Valley, and all of us began caring for dad around the clock.  Mother was ordered to just rest, so we were caring for both of them.  My brother left March 11 to return to work, believing dad would improve with proper nutrition.  I was feeling the same way, but on March 13 I met with his general practitioner to see what more could be done, and was told to take him to the hospital for a blood and urine test.

Von and I took him to the Regional Medical Center that afternoon around 3pm.  He was very pale and lathargic, always wanting to lie down so he wouldn't faint.  While waiting in emergency to be seen, medical personnel noticed him and began preparing to get him into a room.  For the next 9 hours, he underwent extensive treatment for his elevated heart rate and labored breathing.  His heart was working too hard, he had a heart attack while there, and the prognosis wasn't good, so we were encouraged to notify family.  Dad's wishes were to not intervene with life-saving codes, and I was asked by the doctor of the shift if the family wanted to honor that request.  I called mother, and she left it in my hands.  I honored dad's wishes...the hardest decision I've ever made.
With medicine they were able to keep his heart rate stable most of the time, and oxygen helped with his breathing.  A friend brought mother to the hospital in a wheel chair to visit dad briefly.  She was in great pain, so couldn't stay.  Dad's pastor came by many times.  By midnight, dad was moved to the ICU, and my siblings began arriving.
We all took turns visiting with dad the next day, still thinking he could pull through as he had before.
None of us knew how bad things were, though.  Von and I went to see him late on the 14th, and by 4:30 am the next morning he was gone.
On Sat, 16th, we all met with the director of the hospital, who shared information on dad's passing.  A PET scan taken a few days before showed the advancement of cancer thoughout his body having spread from his bladder, where it had begun two years ago.  In the end, though, it was his heart that gave out.  He was 88 and physically fit otherwise, and had only begun declining in January.  He and mother had flown to Utah to visit us after Christmas in December.  He just went so fast.  All who knew him couldn't believe it.

I spent a day writing the obituary from dad's several volumes of his life.  Some of us met with the mortuary and made those arrangments (he was cremated).  The memorial service was planned and set for the following Sat., Mar. 23.  My siblings all returned home to work and prepare for the memorial service.  Von and I were left to care for mother, and follow-up on arangments and other matters.

My daughters, Rosie and Sheila, flew in on Thursday, son Dave, my sister Jane's entire family, and sister Jo and Mike came on Friday, and everyone else came in time for the service on Sat. at the First United Methodist Church my parents attended.  The pastor's wife put together items from dad's garden...tools, his sign (Don's Place), plants, hat, gloves, to put on the altar during the service.  Sister Jane put together a slide show of photos I sent her of dad throughout his life, which were projected on a large screen in front of the church before the service.
Sister Jo put together cuttings from the yard into vases which were placed in the foyer of the church and in the fellowship hall.  I  also printed off photos to frame and place on the tables during the luncheon, and displayed other items and photos around the hall.  The Methodist women prepared the luncheon and decorated the tables.

The Memorial Service began with singing by members of the church choir and Master Chorale, with which dad sang for years up until a few months ago.  Pastor Ron Griffen directed the service and offered personal insights throughout, having sang alongside dad in the Chorale.  I had arranged for an Army flag detail, since dad had served in WW II. Son Dave joined them in his Air Force uniform, and presented the flag to mother.  Overhead, one of the Navy jets from the nearby airbase flew over as the flag was being folded.  Dave then spoke first about his relationship with grandpa.  Rosie sang "There You'll Be" from the movie Pearl Harbor.  Brother Dan spoke about dad's fine qualities and example.  Niece Julie played "Danny Boy" on her flute.  Cousin Jennifer read a letter from dad's only surviving brother Dick in Oregon.  And Jane sang a song she composed during the week, "My Dad", to her guitar.  The Chorale sang a couple more numbers, and the young organist played an upbeat classical number as we all filed out to the luncheon.

Members of the church and Chorale sang and played violin during the luncheon.  Afterwards, family members met for photos, then at the house for an honorary dive-in to dad's beloved pool.  There were leftovers from the luncheon to share as family lingered.  We are still waiting for photos from a niece who took them with her special camera.  A very special day.